I’m very lucky in my son’s violin teacher. She is so kind and patient, not only with M, but with me too. While M is learning the important lessons of appropriate lesson behavior, self-confidence, and persistence, I’m learning some pretty important lessons too.
One lesson that continues to be difficult for me is this:
His rate of progress, and his experience in lessons has very little to do with me. I want things to be faster. To be easier. To be less emotional. I want to just get things done.
This is his journey. Not mine.
He wants to take his time. To be heard. Heck, he even wants to whine about it.
I’m constantly having to remind myself that how he plays is not a reflection on me as a parent, teacher, or a human being. He can choose to focus or not. He can choose to try or not. But as soon as I make his choices mean something about me—I disconnect from the most important person in the room. I disconnect from the reason we’re doing all this hard work in the first place.
Of course, whether we practice or listen to the recordings, that is up to me. And I get to choose how I show up to do these things. I can choose to be positive and playful, or I can choose to mirror his frustration and be frustrated too.
No matter what anyone else does or says, I am only responsible for how I behave. I’m going to choose not to mirror the emotional regulation of a six year old child. I’m an adult and can regulate my emotions however I see fit.
That’s the cool thing about being a grown up.
What did you learn this week either at your child’s lesson or from teaching? Please share in the comments.